by Mandy Allen of www.readmandyland.blogspot.com
We checked into the hotel, and I swear for the first 5 minutes we said nothing at all. We just sat in blissful calm silence, on the beautifully crisp beds, in the serene and uncluttered hotel room. Nothing was sticky. No one was whining, or asking when dinner would be ready, or commenting on the household chores that the royal “we” needed to complete… everything was just calm and beautiful.
Well, all except for the giant pile of crap sitting in the corner. Honey, what can I say? Moms come prepared! Try looking in a diaper bag sometime. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you found rations and a gas mask inside. You know, just incase World War III kicks off while you’re at a playdate.
What? It could happen.
Here is a picture of my suitcase. During our escape from Jessica’s we shoved EVERYTHING into it. As you can see among the party essentials such as adult beverages and the perfect shade of pink nail polish, we still had not entirely kicked our hair dye habit. Yes, that is a box of L’Oreal Excellence 4AR dark brown. I guess we brought it in case we were jonesing for a fix later on. You’ll be happy to know, however, that Jessica and I have since joined a 12 step program, and are on our way to kicking our home dye habit for good.
After basking in the silence, it was time to get down to business. First nail
Awwww, too cute, right?
Then the real nitty gritty, hair and make up. At this point the other members of our crew had arrived and we had a full on salon setup. All that was missing was a stack of trashy magazines. There was also enough make up for an army of drag queens. Being extremely organized and on the ball kind of gals we kept everyone’s make up and brushes completely organized.
Pretty impressive, huh? Maybe this is why I can’t convince an employer that I am an organizing savant?
And of course we remembered to stay hydrated. Beauty transformations are REALLY hard work! We wouldn’t want to get dehydrated and ruin the whole night!
Skip past the drive in the blazing heat, where we sweated off almost all of our beautifully applied makeup, because we couldn’t put the windows down (Heat stroke or a destroyed perfectly coiffed do? No brainer, right?) and finally we arrived and couldn’t wait for the free drinks, free food, air conditioning and fun, fun, fun.
The air conditioning must have been on the fritz. It was hot! Our hair was sticking to our necks and threatening to burst into frizz and curl any second. Strike One.
The free food consisted of salad and cookies. I guess that’s how models stay so thin. Strike Two.
Standing around for an hour and a half in shoes that were really only meant for about 20 seconds, waiting for the show to start which we were supposed to have front row seats for (except they were filled with the butts of other people). Strike Three… we were outta there!
The upside? There WERE free drinks! Well, two per person, anyway. Hello Mr. Pinot Noir!!
After the disappointing offering of sustenance, we needed food, stat, and we also wanted to get our groove on. So, Stop #2, “Crush”. Bar, restaurant, and Saturday night hotspot.
Except, as our luck was holding strong, on this particular night, this spot was definitely missing the “hot”. We got a prime spot to sit, the food and drinks were GREAT, but sadly they were having some serious malfunctions with their tunes. The music was HORRIBLE!! And dammit, we needed to dance! But at least we got some drinks…
YUM! Thank goodness for designated drivers!
So, onward and upward to Stop #3. The E Room, is a lesbian dive bar located on the east side of town. One look at this place and most people would run the other way. It is definitely on the rough side, but the music and lack of sleazy lounge lizards more then makes up for the grungy décor.
And so finally we danced, grooved, bopped, popped, got down, jived, head banged and any other dancey type noun you can think of. Here, I am rockin out.
At 2:30 am, the DJ put it on autopilot and it was time to head home. With sad faces we arrived back at the hotel, but they didn’t stay sad for long! Oh how crazy and hilarious EVERYTHING becomes when you’ve indulged in a few! I wish I had been more sauced. Jessica and my fellow sleepover girls were laughing so hard and so long about nothing in particular, that all Jessica could repeat over and over again was, “OMG, my sides hurt! My sides hurt!” *Sigh*, good times.
And, what was I doing during this over the top hilarity besides thinking “Am I this crazy when I’m drunk”?
Recording all the memories to relay back to you, of course.
Bringing you all along in spirit,